


The Ghost of You

by daughter_of_writers_block



Category: My Chemical Romance, The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance (Song), Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge - My Chemical Romance (Album)
Genre: Gen, Music, The Ghost of you, but i did say i wanna be active, for gee, frerard towards the nd, i guess, kinda cute n comforting w frank, music video, music video basis, not really - Freeform, wasnt gonna post this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 13:44:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18592429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughter_of_writers_block/pseuds/daughter_of_writers_block
Summary: In the time following his brother's death, Gerard finds it hard to let go of the trauma he was left with and hold on to himself. He must live with his demons and the misplaced guilt and it may just break him.





	The Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> So obviously I like MCR. I wrote a sad thing based off the music video cuz it needed some more story to me. I might do one on the killjoys later if you guys like this enough. But for now, I decided to write this cuz we all need to witness Mikey's death and Gee's sadness in writing too :))
> 
> haha im so mean

  _"_ _I never said I'd lie and wait forever_

_If I died, we'd be together_

_I can't always just forget h[er]im_

_But [s]he could try”_

•°•°•

It was a thank you, to the men of the military for serving the country. The banquet called anyone who had fought and was meant to make those who fought feel appreciated, but of course it wasn’t the most enjoyable. To be reminded you were a soldier. To be reminded of those you watched die. 

Mikey.

Gerard felt his heart beating fast in his chest at the thought of Mikey.... his baby brother who’d been shot during the war. After returning, the house had been all too silent. None of his little brother’s video games or loud music, no bass practice from his bedroom. Gerard hadn’t even been able to sing. His parents were beyond concerned, trying so hard to get him to a therapist or something but Gerard he refused. That’s when he felt a nudge at his leg. He shook himself out of the trancelike state and saw next to him, Frank Iero who whispered, “They’re reading the names.”

 Gerard nodded. The names. The casualty list. He held his head in his hands as he listened to each last name. They got closer and closer to ‘W’ and Gerard wasn’t ready to hear his brother’s name uttered again. But right as he started preparing himself, the voice came loudly from the microphone.

“Michael James Way.”

No....

 

_“At the end of the world or the last thing I see_

_You are, never coming home, never coming home_

_Could I? Should I?_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever ever”_

•°•°•

“What the hell, Frank!” Gerard shouted, a little too loudly at the bar, laughing. Frank had just knocked over his beer and was now leaning over in his chair, laughing so hard he was about to tip it. Maybe a war was going on, but when the boys got time off they got drunk. It helped them remember simpler times.

“You’re so stupid, you’re about to fall!” Ray laughed, going to grab the chair before Frank died. “We can’t lose you yet, dude.”

The three of them laughed as Frank went to grab napkins to clean his mess, but Gerard glanced over, noticing something was missing. His brother. Mikey was sitting next to an empty chair by Ray, holding a glass of beer with his head lowered, breathing heavily. The war had taken a toll on the boy,  he was horrified he’d get killed.

Gerard got up, as Frank returned with handfuls of crushed paper towels, just saying, “You guys clean that up I’m gonna check on—”

“Mikey?” Ray said, taking some towels and starting to wipe the spill. “You should. He hasn’t been himself since the war started. He’s been sad, scared. I’m worried about him.”

“Me too,” Gerard murmured, getting up and going to the chair by Ray, hearing Mikey’s shallow, shaky breaths. “Hey, hey, hey… Mikey, you okay?”

“I’m fine, Gee,” Mikey said, his voice just above a whisper, but somehow despite the volume of the bar, Gerard could make out the words.

“You’re not fine. This isn’t ‘fine.’ Panicking in a bar is not ‘fine.’ But this is a war, I’m not fine either. None of is are really ‘fine.’ What’s up?”

“I’m... fine... Gee...” Mikey repeated, louder with more emphasis on his words. In an effort to prove he really was fine but Gerard knew the truth. He had been able to see through Mikey since they were kids, always being able to tell when kids would be teasing him for his glasses or anything that really got to him.

“I’ve seen you fine, kid.” Gerard putting a hand on his little brother’s shoulder. “And this ain’t it. Cmon what’s wrong? Frank and Ray are worried too.”

“I just wanna go home,” said Mikey through deep breaths. “I’m so scared. I came to the war… I followed you here. I couldn’t bare the thought of being at home and not hearing you singing through the halls. Then the thought of never hearing you again. Just living.... living in...... silence if I lost you.”

“Hey, hey, Mikey,” said Gerard, wrapping an arm around Mikey, his voice pitch raising in a soothing tone. “You won’t lose me. It’ll be fine. We’ll be able to go home after the war, you’ll see mom and dad again, you’ll hear me..... shouting lyrics throughout the house again.” A little laugh accompanied Gerard for the last part, but he hugged Mikey as he said, “We’ll get home soon.”

But they wouldn’t.

At least, not Mikey.

 

_“Ever get the feeling that you're never all alone?_

_And I remember now_

_At the top of my lungs in my arms, [s]he dies_

_[S]he dies”_

•°•°•

Gunshots! Bullets! Tanks! Loud noises and flying objects everywhere, making it impossible to take a step without the risk of losing a limb. The fear overtaking Gerard’s mind was insane, intense and he didn’t know if he’d handle the thoughts, let alone the war.

But he’d still appear just above some sort of overturned object every now and then to shoot his gun somewhere, hoping it wouldn’t hit his friends. Frank was next to him, panicking as well but definitely a lot braver when it came to guns. Gerard looked over and saw Mikey, hiding behind some kind of car, hyperventilating and holding his gun close to his chest. He glanced around until he made eye contact with Gerard, his expression begging for help. It looked like he was having a panic attack with the fast breathing and tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“Breathe, Mikey! Just breathe!” Gerard shouted, hoping his brother would hear him. Mikey nodded, looking as if he understood and it seemed he was trying to take deep breaths but the poor boy was still panicking. 

So he got up. Oh lord, he got up. Panic started to shoot through Gerard’s mind but he was paralyzed in the moment, something he’d hate himself for as long as he lived:

And ran.

“MIKEY!” Gerard screamed as he saw his brother running his direction, through a shower of bullets. “MIKEY!! No, go back! Dammit, Mikey!”

And then...

A

Bullet

To

The

Heart

And Gerard went mad. He shouted, at the top of his lungs, “MIKEY! Mikey, that’s my brother. THAT’S MY BROTHER! MIKEY!!!”

He tried to run out to grab Mikey, but Frank held him back as he stood and screamed his brother’s name. “Mikey! Mikey, no… Mikey, no!”

“Gerard, stop!” Frank shouted, taking his arms and grabbing him. “You wanna get to him, I know. But you’ll get shot too.”

“I need to get to Mikey,” Gerard shouted, trying his hardest to push Frank off him. “Mikey! Mikey, can you hear me? Mikey!”

Though he seemed to be in agonizing pain, Mikey looked over at Gerard. He was clutching the wound in his chest though, and his face begged Gerard to come. But instead Ray went over trying to get Mikey secure as Frank kept wrestling to keep Gerard over. Mikey’s teeth clenched in pain and he squeezed his eyes shut but blood still seeped from his chest. Though he knew the chances of saving his brother, even if they weren’t in the middle of a beach were so slim, he ignored logic. Mikey needed him and he needed Mikey.

“Stop, Gerard!” Frank shouted, yanking him back. “Gee! Stop, I can’t lose both of you!”

And as he said that, Gerard saw Mikey’s body go still. No more movement in his brother’s limbs and the pained expression relaxed, leaving eyes opened. Ray seemed to freeze and let out a roar of anger, smacking the hard ground with his dry, cracking hands so hard blood stated to seep from them. Tears on Ray’s face as he wiped them with his bloody hands and clutched Mikey’s body, trying to protect it from further harm. Bit Gerard’s face calmed. And rather than angry like Ray, Gerard just looked shocked. He couldn’t believe it. Mikey Way, his little brother was... he was just gone.

Gone.

 

_“And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home, never coming home_

_Could I? Should I?_

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me”_

•°•°•

And now he was in tears. There was no ‘fine’ for him anymore. Gerard couldn’t breathe, not trying to hide his sobs any longer. He just cried, Mikey’s smile in his mind. His little brother’s sweet, innocent smile. That he’d never see again. 

“Gee, you okay?” Frank asked, putting an arm around his friend as he noticed the tears. Gerard wipes the tears as well as he could, but they’d keep coming.

“Mikey…” whispered Gerard, his arm in front of his face. He sniffed loudly as he said, “I miss him. So. Much.”

Frank squeezed Gerard’s shoulder as Ray looked over at them. “I-I miss him too. Things haven’t been the same without him.”

“Nothing will ever be the same. Playing music at home will never be the same. Our friendship will never be the same. I’ll never be the same… I just need Mikey here. I always took him as… as just my little brother. He was just… he was just that kid that followed me around. I didn’t, didn’t know how much I needed him alive. I just want him back, Frank, I’d do anything to get him back.”

“I—I know,” Frank said, taking Gerard in his arms and just letting him cry. Frank looked at Ray desperately, needing something to say. Anything to cheer up Gerard, to help him.

"You wanna leave?” Ray asked, putting a hand on Gerard’s shoulder. “We don’t have to stay if it’s too hard for you.”

Gerard shook his head, wiping tears frantically as he ruffled his gelled hair. “I still see him sometimes. In dreams… nightmares, more like. He’s shouting my name, begging me to help him… I hear it whenever it gets quiet too. He’s shouting for me. It’s like… like ‘Gee! Gerard! Gerard, help me!’ And like I run to him and try to get to him and find him and I see him, he’s right there but I can’t get to him.”

“Well… I mean, there’s no getting him back—” Ray started, only to be interrupted by Gerard’s sharp response.

“You think I don’t know that? You think o don’t every day wish there was a way to somehow bring him back? That I don’t look at his pictures and think, ‘God, I miss that kid.’ I would do anything to have him back in my life.”

“Hold on, let me finish,” Ray said once Gerard was done. “I was going to say that there isn’t a way to bring him back, but as cheesy as it may sound, we can keep him alive. Remind the world of Mikey Way.”

 

_“If I fall_

_If I fall down”_

•°•°•

“No, no, no, no, NO!” Gerard shouted, sobs loud and tears streaming down his cheeks. He slammed his arms into the wall as his mother came into the room at the sounds of his sobs.

“Gerard! Sweetie, are you okay?” she said, going up to her son.

“How can you even look at me?” Gerard said through sobs. “I killed your baby. I killed Mikey…”

"Gee, you didn’t kill him. It’s not your fault he died. You said he ran into open fire, didn’t you? You weren’t shooting. 

“But I could’ve stopped him, I could’ve done something. I could’ve kept him alive.”

Mrs. Way hugged her some, taking him into her arms once again like he was little and had skinned his knee. But this time he was sobbing cuz he insisted it was his fault his little brother died. So in an attempt of comfort, she said, “Mikey was scared. You know how he’d get when he was scared. He didn’t think. You couldn’t have done anything.”

“No,” Gerard said, in a haunted mutter. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he stared off into nothing just imagining every other outcome. “No, no, no, I could’ve done so much. He’d be alive right now if I was a bit of a better brother. If I helped him…”

“It’s not your fault,” she said, still having her arms wrapped around her son. She’d do anything for Gerard to just stop blaming himself. She’d rather him blame anyone else just for the closure that he didn’t kill his brother because lord knew he needed it.

“But if I just…”

But he couldn’t finish. His tears drowned him out. He’d have these nightmares recurrently about Mikey that would haunt him. And his night terrors, oh his night terrors were awful. They were something he had experienced every now and again before the war and Mikey would always be able to help. He’d sit in his room on nights when they were frequent and stay there with him all night if he had too. They had been more often since Gerard had come back without Mikey with him. He’d wake up screaming and crying, not knowing where he was, sobbing his brother’s name… it was awful for him. The poor boy just wanted his brother back.

But he couldn’t. There was nothing that could bring Mikey back, as much as it hurt the whole family. As much as it hurt his girlfriend. Nobody was coping, but everybody understood he was gone. As much as nobody wanted to admit it.

So Gerard would keep crying. At least until he couldn’t anymore. It was a cycle, he’d wake in the night and sob until he had no tears left. Then he’d force himself into  a pained, usually medicine-induced sleep that he often would lightly sleep through until he woke up for another day of feeling depressed and sad, spending most of the day just forcing himself to survive. It was hard to believe he was alive, when he was so miserable and slow and sad… he acted dead. It was shocking that he wasn’t.

 

_“At the end of the world or the last thing I see_

_You are, never coming home, never coming home_

_Never coming home, never coming home_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever going to haunt me_

_Never coming home, never coming home_

_Could I? Should I?_

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna—”_

•°•°•

And so that’s where everything ended. At least a month later, Gerard tried to plant a bullet in his brain unsuccessfully, aiming way too low and leaving himself in pain but thankfully with no permanent damage. Somehow.

But when Gerard was in the hospital for his injuries, he was visited by Frank who seemed angry. Angry with Gerard for his suicide attempt. The first thing he said when he saw his friend was not friendly either, it was rather bitter.

“You think Mikey woulda wanted you to go and blow your brains out because of him? 

Gerard didn’t even bother looking up at him, instead just saying, “I think Mikey would be doing the same thing if it were me in a coffin. We never were that different.”

It hurt to open his eyes and look at light. It hurt to hear Frank’s voice or his mother’s when she sobbed, just happy he was alright, or even when he heard the faint whirring of his heart monitor. Everything going in and out of his head and it hurt like hell and he wanted out more than ever.

“Maybe that’s so, but you wouldn’t want that for him,” Frank said, anger still in his voice. “And like you said, you were never that different. He wouldn’t want you dead either. And if that’s too much for you to take in, did you ever think about me? What I’d do if you were gone? Or Ray? You think we’d be happy? We’d sure as hell want to get out of this world too.”

Barely acknowledging Frank’s words, Gerard tried his hardest to open his eyes, no matter how much the light hurt. The two made eye contact for a split second before Gerard looked down, hoping not to overwhelm his vision. So he just muttered, “He just wanted to hear me sing again…”

“What?”

“In the bar… in the bar the week Mikey got… Mikey got shot he told me he came to war cuz he couldn’t bare being at home in silence, without me singing. He just wanted to hear me sing again. He’d never hear me sing before he got shot. I didn’t sing while we were in the war.”

Tears were flooding Frank’s eyes and he wiped them frantically. He hated crying and Gerard knew as he saw him take his sleeves over his handles and wiping tears from his cheeks. “Mikey wanted to here you sing again. Mikey wanted to play with us again. Mikey wanted to come home to his girlfriend. Mikey wanted to keep breathing, for God’s sake. I miss him too, Gee. I miss him too.”

“I know I can’t get him back,” Gerard continued, covering his face with his hands, lightly running fingers down the stitches in the side of his face. “And I won’t try. I’m not insane. I just… I regret a lot.”

“Of course you do,” said Frank, walking to his friend’s side and sitting down on the chair next to the bed. “I regret a ton too, so does Ray. You’re not the only one who feels like he coulda saved Mikey. You don’t know how many times Ray’s told me he should’ve seen him and stopped him.”

“It’s not his fau—”

“And it’s not your fault, Gee. You just insist it is. Same with Ray. He tells me that he was right in front of Mikey, just realized he was gone a little too late. He’s been beating himself up about it. Just like how you have. And I, I should have been paying more attention to notice all of you… but you see? We all think we could’ve saved us.”

Burying his face in his arms, Gerard pulled his legs up to his chest. “It’s been so hard without him. I hate being alive and knowing my baby brother isn’t here…”

Frank took a deep breath before saying, “Stay alive for Ray and I at least. The rest of your family too. None of us can handle losing both of the Way brothers. What’ll we do without your shenanigans.”

Gerard let out a soft chuckle through his sobs. “I’d never deprive you guys of that. You’ll help me, right? Help me live without him?”

“Of course.”

Frank hugged Gerard, not caring if he hugged back or not (though he did). It was worth it for Gerard to smile again. The first time he knew of since the war. Nobody had really been okay since Mikey’s death and maybe they never would be. But at least they had each other. Mikey would live on, as cheesy as it seemed. And his ghost, though it’d likely haunt Gerard forever may finally rest knowing his brother was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm considering writing more/an elongated bar scene w the boys. Let me know if you'd want that in the comments and I might write a few scenes w bar funny stuff w the boys.


End file.
